I cry myself to sleep a lot these days. Without him in my life I feel lost. The wort part is that he isn’t totally gone, we can still talk, but I’ll never feel his arms around me or his lips on my skin, never feel his stubble on my cheek or the jump of his belly as he laughs. I feel like I’ve lost a piece of myself and I don’t know how to move on. I told him that I didn’t love him as more than a friend, that I loved being with him and loved him as a person nothing more. I lied. I loved him. I love him. But I can’t have him. So I figure that if I lie to him it will be easier to lie to myself. The problem is that I’m a bad liar.
The scars on my skin show so much more clearly in the summer and right now I can’t think of a reason not to add to them, not to finish of the collection with two long beautiful lines, one for each arm.
Someone help me. I’m drowning. I can’t breathe. I can’t see. I’m too much for the people around me. I’m hiding from the people I love. But what else can I do? Isn’t it better to get them far away from me, like sending them away from disaster. I’m sorry but I really don’t know what to do.
I have no one to talk to. Nowhere else to go but here.
I don’t think there’s another way. The only way is the way out.